Feral, goal-oriented progress. 

I was getting a tattoo yesterday. My mind was fully locked in. I was hydrated and fed. I brought my water. My state of dress was comfortable for a long session. The Kindle had books. Headphones were charged.

Two hours in, my skin was swelling too much. Maybe a Bactine bath and a long break would have afforded being able to finish. It was tempting on my end to ask to push on ahead, but why pick a professional with a style and talent and trust them for their work if I can't accept their opinion? I'm sure it's the right call. I know it is.

The reality is that mental determination isn't all that anything ever takes. It helps - a lot. I've been so stressed before and so committed to finishing something that I rationalized cutting off physical things to prioritize mental resources. I've stopped eating because thinking about food was too much. Yes, I know that the brain needs carbs etc. etc. The complication is the crux between the reasoning mind and the emotional one.

I've frequently identified this dichotomy because for me it is one where there are two people in my head controlling things, and the logician is the project manager taking consideration of the emotions cat from time to time. Not that often, though. And the more upset the emotions cat gets, the less attended to it is because it's becoming a heavier task. Until the emotions cat breaks down, pisses, scribbles death on the walls, and smashes the computers. That's troubling.

Someone would probably try to introduce wise mind here. Balancing the two, treating both as a team of information providers. I get it, but it doesn't work for me.

What worked for me was changing my relationship with progress. The emotions cat decides project value. Things of personal value, things that bring internal validation and good vibes, are the investment piece. High-drive rational mind is in charge of the rest. Because, let's face it, a predominant amount of time is not allocated to deeply important things, but things of a high completion necessity yet. 

This sounds like balance. It's my version at least where both are attended to. Oddly, my global wellness when I eat food and take breaks sometimes is noticeably improved. Craszy.

The answer to all of this is clearly to go get a tattoo. 

And take advice with a grain of salt.

The picture here is the film Obsession. It's on my list for a re-watch to think more specifically about its craft.